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Recall from the previous posting that straight men who have sex with other men (SMSM) do not generally share details about their same-sex sexual activity or desire with significant others in their lives.
Due in large part to the popularization of the topic in the bestselling 2005 book “On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men,”[i] Latino and African-American men are the primary subjects in research with non-gay identified MSM.
I considered myself then and still do to be unequivocally homosexual.
During college, I was in a fraternity and became first close friends with and then sexually involved for two years with a brother who had never been attracted to a male before and as such id'd as straight.
I am age 55 and I can get guys 18-34 who want and desire to have sex with me in varying degrees and this is not manipulation on my part and I never pay one red cent for the pleasure and enjoyment of sex with these young men.
I also prefer to avoid kissing or other romantic aspects.
The concept of straight men who have sex with men challenges the traditional and for many the unyielding belief that sexual behavior is indicative of identity. Parsons, “Sexual Behaviors of Non-gay Identified Non-disclosing Men Who Have Sex with Men and Women,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 37, no. [iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prestage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activity/non Gay Attachment Research Targeting Strategies Identification Project." (Sydney: National Centre in HIV Epidemiology and Clinical Research ,1994). Reback and Sherry Larkins, “Maintaining a Heterosexual Identity: Sexual Meanings Among a Sample of Heterosexually Identified Men Who Have Sex with Men,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 39, no. [v] STD Communications Database: Interviews with Non-Gay Identified Men who have Sex with Men (NGI MSM),” (Atlanta, Georgia: Orc Macro, 2005). Now that I've stated the obvious, we can then extrapolate from it that heterosexual males, even anonymously, do not provide honest or even rational responses to surveys about same sex activity.
Research with this population is difficult due to the challenges of reaching these men – the majority of whom keep this activity covert.– Participants stated the sexual activity was not their fault or beyond their personal control, such as inebriation or the unplanned outcome of an argument with a wife or female romantic partner Also, while engaging in the sexual behavior, the subjects avoided kissing, hugging, talking to the other male (or even looking at him), and leaving immediately following sex.[iv] Similar findings were found throughout a series of interviews with non-gay identified MSM prepared for the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention in 2004. I am a woman and I have never "accidentally" had sex with another woman, or man for that matter. Now I have tried the "mistake" excuse, but husband didn't buy it.These men determined same-sex sexual activity did not challenge their heterosexual identity because:[v] In tally, the men interviewed reported that if sexual activity between men was anonymous, experimental, occasional, or if substance use was involved, the act was not “gay.” Finally, while there is conflicting data, it appears that non-gay identified MSM engage in high levels of drug and alcohol use.[vi] Many in fact engage in sexual activity with other men as a means of obtaining financial resources to procure such substances. Harawa et al, Sexual Behavior, Sexual Identity, and Substance Abuse. My friend Bruce and I were walking down the street, he slipped on a banana peel, and when he landed somehow his dingaling just happened to end up in my rear. Self reporting always creates highly unreliable sometimes nonsensical results, as seen in the studies mentioned in the article.Other studies further elaborate the many reasons for SMSM substance use, including:[vii] As the above research demonstrates, we have a much better understanding of the lived experiences of SMSM in comparison to a mere decade ago. Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Sergio Avina, and Marvin Jones, “Sexual Behavior, Sexual Identity, and Substance Abuse Among Low-Income Bisexual and Non-Gay-Identifying African American Men Who Have Sex with Men,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 37, no. Then there was that time my friend Robby fell down the stairs and his weenie just happened to land in my mouth. That's why we end up with "accident" as an explanation for sexual activity.However, the etiology of this behavior remains contentious, and the final posting in this blog series will examine proposed etiological explanations for this demographic. The problem is males who id as straight are not allowed the same freedom to experiment or act on curiosity as females who id similarly.I think there can of course be other contributing factors as well.Such as men who after many years of marriage find themselves in a "sex-less" marriage but in my situation I stumbled upon yet another classification of sexual opportunity.I feel that we are sexual rather than heterosexual bisexual or homosexual I have had sex with both men and women but now I prefer sex with men I have had sex with several married men and I have been having an affair with a married man for nearly two years.I find it difficult to understand the split and also the fact that for the outside world he is straight - but in bed with me there isn't anything we haven't tried.During my 4 yrs of college, I had more sexual encounters with self id straight males than with females or gay males. Trust me, there is so much more sexual activity going on btwn guys than either they will admit or anyone else realizes.And, yes, it often includes cuddling, making out (I made out with straight guys who were only interested in giving me head) and sometimes a degree of emotional connection.